Slipping away...

Well,

Kim is slowly slipping away. She is in contact with friends and family as well as past ex's with whom she seems to be missing. This whole drama between me and her last ex is driving a permanant wedge between us. I think the entire situation is now lost and maybe it is time for me to move on. There is no salvaging this, no more trying to get her back. She is gone and is now focusing on people she can have intellectual conversation with. My time came and went.

It's sad knowing that I am moving into the boring recesses of constant close proximity and that she has become overwhelmed with my presence. When she returns I will attempt to seperate myself from her. Hardly any contact and try to move on with my life. It will be sad knowing that Starbucks will no longer be in mine and that I will miss him. Sad that she'll have her ex sleep over when I'm not willing to. But that just shows the nature of who SHE is. I never came into this lying to her, but it was lies from her that made me doubt her integrity. It's funny how this year has turned out for me as far as this situation is concerned. I went into it thinking I was going to have a great relationship, it ended after four months and finally crashed after the fifth. Ever since it's been me thinking that we are still together when we aren't.

I'm on my own and I need to realize that. There is nothing that I can count on in my life. Things that I work for so hard can just slip away. Trying so much for something does not always mean I am going to get it. I should just focus on the things that make ME happy. Everyone else should come in second. I'm glad Kim is gone, a part of me would just wish that she would stay gone forever. It's sad seeing something slip away from you without your control, how people can move on from you no matter how hard you tried to be friends with them.

This is my ife, and I need to focus on myself for now on. Everyone else just comes in a distant second. Maybe we can hang out still, maybe we can still be friends. That's a nice thought that brings me comfort, but it's something that won't keep me satisfied. I'll always want more. And that is something that I know I can NEVER have.

So, sitting here, thinking about her moving on. Living somewhere else, loving someone else, being close with someone else, and forgetting about me and the times we spent together... it hurts. Love hurts, it's something I cannot let happen again. And to think it was only 5 months! I know I really liked her before, at least 3 months before we went out. But it wasn't very long at all. I am alone and desperately trying to cling on to her. To show her she is wrong. But maybe I'm wrong. I've been trying so hard to show her that I'm right for her, maybe she isn't right for ME.

Well, time to go.