Some space...

Katie and I have been arguing over the past week. First I screwed up and said Kim's name, then I was arguing about not getting enough affection, then about her hanging out with Joe again. I feel the spark is fading and we are falling into routine. Yeah, I love her, but I don't feel that excitment from her when she wants to hang out. I just dont understand how they can have all of this money to go out. I just don't have it. Where does it come from?

I have more bills than any of them do I'm sure. That and I don't make enough money. Katie is leaving for Seattle and I see her when I can, but I feel that she isn't as into seeing me as she used to be and it hurts. Our living situation is horrible. My mom won't even let her come near the damn house in the condition it is in and I can't sleep over there when her parents are home.

She seems so excited to go out with her friends, with me it's just "whatever you want to do." Way to go sounding so excited to see me. All I get is "I miss you." Wow, really? You actually do?

Today is another one of those days, I just feel down and like shit. I better get used to it. Katie is leaving soon and will find a new flame in Seattle I'm sure.

I'm jealous, I don't want her to talk to her friend, I want her to be more excited to see me, I want, I want, I want.

You know what's bad? I'm starting to get clingy. Maybe it is the fact that she is leaving soon, but also me not feeling that she is showing affection. Do I need constant reassurance? Maybe my low self-esteem is creeping up on me again. I'm starting to show my ugly side to her and maybe that's putting her off.

It's just not fair. Why did she want to go out with me? She has more in common with her friend than me. He fucking worships her and she's so excited to be with him. What the fuck am I doing? Nothing special. Just working and losing more money.

So today I decide to back off. Maybe absence will make the heart grow yonder. Maybe she will just bounce to someone else to fill the lonely void. I believe more in the latter. I might try and visit her later tonight at her home. I'm sick of her tag-along pup and sometimes I just want to hang out with only her. Oh well, such is life.