Wednesday night.

Lost is on tonight! THE SEASON 5 PREMERE! I'm recording it tonight so I can watch it tomorrow WITHOUT commercials. I CAN NOT wait! I just went to work today and had an ok day. Katie's neck is doing better I think and the pain is getting less day after day. I've done all that I can to make it better other than having her go see a doctor. I told her to lay on her back, I told her to keep her neck in a neutral position, I put Icy Hot on her neck, I massaged it, I put a cool pad on it, she put a heating pad on it, we did whatever we could and now it seems to be getting better.

I got a job as a field service technician last week and I finished emailing/faxing all the information over to that guy in Florida. He has started getting me contract jobs out here so I can make some money. Hopefully, after Stephanie orders my equipment, I can start working on my own. I've tried almost every avenue on my own with interviews and other jobs, but after at least 15 different interviews, I have been passed over too many times. So maybe this is better that I work on my own. At least I can learn new technologies and skills without having someone breathing down my neck. The other thing too is that I only get paid once a month, but the pay could be a lot of money depending on how many jobs this guy can get for me. I'm a little pessimistic about it, but I'm hoping I can get something out of this. I NEED money bad. My bills are getting WAY behind and I need something soon or I'm totally fucked.

Katie and I have made up after almost two weeks after I fucked up and yelled at her. Things have sort of gone back to normal. Kim has been calling me and talking to me a lot. She wants to eventually come out and visit me and live here. We shall see. I need to get my own place soon so that I can at least be on my own. Whether Katie comes with me or not remains to be seen. I would like to have a pet (cat or dog) I can't have a cat around Katie, since she is allergic. Speaking of which I found out some interesting information last weekend, something that I will have to come back later, I still need to discuss our fight that we went through, but I am going to leave that for another night.

I have to go back to Subway tomorrow. Which SUCKS, but what can you do? I need to make some kind of money so that I can at least get some things on my own. My eyes are fucking up right now because I need to take my contacts out. Boston Legal is on TV, I tried to change it to the Lost special before the premere, but the TV is kind of fucked up.

Well, I think I am going to go to bed. Peace out.

Tuesday night.

Had a couple interviews this week so far with one on Friday too. I think my chances are good for getting at least one of these jobs. I still work at Subway and it is a little extra money in my wallet. Right now I am sitting on the couch watching One Tree Hill. I just got done watching Gossip Girl. For some reason it interests me, I find that it's very cheesy and campy, but entertaining. If anyone knew that I was watching this, they would ridicule me. I miss watching Rescue Me. That is a good show and they're problems are more real and outrageous then these shows. Plus, they can be a little more racy.

I need to go out and get a haircut and will probably do that in few after One Tree Hill. I also want to stop by Cheesecake Factory and get a Snickers cheesecake for Katie. There's a whole big deal behind that and right now I think we're walking on thin ice. Yeah, a lot of it is my fault. But, I've got to try to fix things. I'll go more into detail about the infamous Saturday night. Right now, at least we're being civil. I hope I get some calls for the interview on Monday. I NEED something and want to get my own place. Well, enough for now.

Tuesday night.

Well, I have a job right now. And I'm working at Subway with Katie. At least it is some money to get at the moment. Until I can find something better. My money is running lower than ever and I need some kind of income before I can go out and do anything else. At least I always have the option of going to San Francisco or back home. Yesterday I hung around the apartment with Katie and her brother and we played Mario Kart 64. I owned everyone. Right now Katie is making a call outside and having a smoke. I don't know what to do right now. I have to work tomorrow at 10am at Subway. I'm not working full 8 hour shifts, but I'm getting just a few hours here and there. Well, I'm about done for the night. Probably going to watch some of Katie's shows then go to bed.

I talked to Kim today and she told me that it is possible that her kidneys are failing. I feel bad for her. I miss her too. Well, I'll get back to this tomorrow.

Saturday morning.

Another argument. She's taking me for granted, but doesn't realize this. I feel neglected. I'm tired of the animosity. Still no job, still no calls. She lives on fucking myspace and facebook. She doesn't start conversations. She is not affectionate. I'm tired of trying to make this work. Kim wants me to come back. I find myself constantly thinking about her. Our conversations flow easier and we are very friendly. I miss her. I don't like Katie. I wish I had somewhere else to go. I need another job. Maybe that will fix this mess. I just don't know anymore.

I want to leave.

New Years Eve

Hanging out in the apartment again. (what a surprise) Katie's brother is getting ready for work. I went to Subway this morning to see Katie and give her that box with Erin's games in it. I don't know what's going on tonight, all I know is that I don't want to spend more than $50 bucks tonight. Afterwards, I am REALLY low on cash. Lately, I've been thinking about Kim a lot. I don't know why. Can't really think of much else to say right now. I'll probably come back to this later.

Friday night.

Hey it's Friday, you got no job... and you got shit to do!

Didn't do much today. I slept till about 9am, then hung out in bed and read over Titanic history on my iPod. I got ready with the intention of going to see The Curious Case of Benjaman Button. I walked downtown to the AMC there and saw that it wasn't playing! Well, I wasn't about to go see Yes Man or anyother bullshit that was playing so I called dad to see if he could tell me where the other theatre was located at.

When I showed up there I realized that I had missed the last showing of it and the next one was at 2:30pm. So I decided to see Valkrie instead. It wasn't that bad of a movie. I thought it would be bad, but it turned out to be ok. After the movie was over I started walking home with nothing to do. I called Katie and she said that she was going out. I saw her drive by and she stop so I decided to go back downtown and have a drink at the Taphouse. I think I'm going to run a tally on how much I spend in a day. Today's total... about $17 dollars. We haven't decided to go out yet. I don't think we are going to. Katie got a call from her "boyfriend" and I took off out front for a smoke and just to pal around.

I came back inside to play some Rock Band while her brother sat on the couch and was on his laptop. I don't know, sometimes I get the feeling he may think that I'm just mooching off of everyone. I'm trying to find a job everyday so I can't help but think that everyone thinks that I'm doing shit all day. I give myself till the end of January (if I can last that long) to find a job. In the meantime, I am going to try and get a side job if I can.

I have about $200 dollars in my bank account. Not enough to really get me through the next month unless I do nothing all day. Katie's brother just left and will be back to run some errands so now it's just me and her. It feels like the conversation is getting stale. I think that Kim and I had better conversation than this when we lived together. Katie seems to laugh more with other people than myself. I think it's just me though and my past.

I don't know what's going to happen tonight or tomorrow, but I think it will be uneventful or frustrating.

This is my life... and it's ending one minute at a time.

Christmas Day

Well, it's Christmas today. How is it compared to the last two? Eh, it's a little better. I haven't had a Christmas that made me feel comfortable in a long time. Right now I still have no job so I am pretty stressed out about the whole money situation. At least we can sit in and relax today. At least that is what I plan on doing so far.

I bought Katie some Godiva White Chocolate and Baileys for Christmas. I know she likes it. I wish I had more money to spend. Next week I am going to start applying to stores for jobs. I'm running very low on cash right now and don't know how much longer I can go. We got up early this morning and went out to the store to get some juice and she bought her brother a Christmas card and wrote him a check for some money.

I managed to move my car out of the road and drove it for the first time in 2 weeks. I save so much in gas it's ridiculous. I can't think of anything more right now. I'll probably come back to this in a few.

***

Ok I'm back to finish the day's journal. Well, we didn't get to go anywhere today because it's Christmas and everything is closed. Marie seems a little quiet today. I don't know why. I've recieved a lot of texts from friends today asking how Seattle is. It was good hearing from them. I sent massive amounts of texts saying merry Christmas. Didn't even recieve one from Kim. Which doesn't surprise me. Just another nail in the proverbial coffin. Right now I'm lying in bed getting some time to myself. I need a place of my own sometimes. I value my privacy a lot. I just saw Katie poke her head in to see if I was in here.

I guess this is it for me today. Signing off till tomorrow.