Another day.

Well, after my discussion with my instructor yesterday he helped convince me to stick with the class. Now I have a lot of catching up to do. It was a good talk and I'm glad I did it. It also feels good that Kim is back. But she said something this morning that brought all those negative feelings back. The ex wants her to move back in this weekend.

I wanted to light a cigarette so bad. I got that nervousness in my stomach and it shot my mood down. Now I don't know what to think. On one hand I thought she was done with him, but she still doesn't know what to do. I don't understand why she won't just let go. Maybe for the same reasons why I won't let her go. I miss her and she misses him. But at least she doesn't try to control everything I do. He's not understanding at all to what she wants and it's only after she leaves that he "let's" her have her way.

Well, she's an idiot if she goes back to him. I just hope she decides not to. If she does again, I know it will be one of the hardest things in my life to do, but I am going to have to let her go. The pain of it is so hard. I don't know what I could do. Tell her I love her still, but that I respect her decision. Maybe do what he never could. Let her go. I'm not saying that she will come back, but maybe something good will come of it.

When all is said though, I hope it never comes to that. Talking and seeing him, while I don't like it is one thing. Dating and going back to him is another.

I feel like shit and don't want to go to class. But Chris was right. There is life after the relationship and while it ended long ago. I need to move on and do things for myself rather then do things for other people.