More Kim drama.
It seems after she went back to her ex, he refused to let her keep her apartment so she left and came back. Last night she went over to get her stuff and was over there for about two hours after work. Then came home. I don't know if they had sex or not, but I think they might have. Picturing the act makes me sick. I still don't feel comfortable about the whole situation. I don't know where this is all leading to. I'm getting tired of feeling this way all the time.
I dropped out of my EMT-B class because of this. I just couldn't concentrate on homework and studying. After screwing up numerous times at work over simple things, I started freaking out about what would happen if I screwed up on a call and someone died because of my inept ability to get over my personal problems. I find that it's hard for me to leave. But I just don't want to screw up. I'm going to go meet with Chris George, my instructor, today and talk about my decision.
Everyday it's the same. Wondering what she is doing with him. Picturing them together. It hurts, it hurts a lot. I still love her. I still care for her. And I still want to be with her. Why can't I move on? If it was meant not to be then why haven't I found another girl yet? I just wish I could be with someone that would appreciate everything that I would do for her.
Last weekend I was crying over this in my car. Just flat out crying like a baby. The tears that came out felt good. I did it once more that day, but other than that... nothing.
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just happened to drop by your blog. it feels awful when somebody leave us for someone she/he feels better than us. but then you're probably holding on to it because you think that's the only thing you could ever have. even with the hurt feeling. i could feel your pain. given that, you definitely will be having many more sleepless nights. or maybe not. it's a thing you'll get over with if it's not for you. it will take much time but then God probably wants to teach you even more. be strong. we don't die of heartbreaks unless we decide it for ourselves. God bless.
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