Thursday afternoon.

Katie went out last night. Don't know where, don't know who with. I assume she went out with some guys. Tried to be intimate with her again last night. Turned down again. Didn't take her to the gym today, I just stayed in bed when she woke up. I don't know where this is going. Last night sucked. Got drunk though. Didn't ask her where she went, I don't give a shit. All I hope for is if she leaves me for someone else, that she do it sooner rather than later. Or I find out she's cheating and have an excuse to leave. I don't trust her. She likes to flirt and is naive to it no matter how she looks at it. She likes attention from guys, she needs attention from other people, she needs people around her.

Don't know what's going to happen today. I'd rather not see her at all today. We need some space. As much as I don't like it, I'd rather not see her till this weekend. I cleaned up the front room and kitchen a little. Worked out everything with DHInternational. No other calls from Varicom. And there was NO WAY in HELL I was going to Subway today. I had too much to sort through. Worried about bills, girlfriend (or whatever we are), car being reposessed, where I'm going to live, Kim, my family, friends, my credit, my future. All because I came out here to be with her. I risked everything and have gotten nothing in return.

I know what the right decision to make is. But I'm not going to do it. This will come to a head soon. I can feel the walls closing around me. You've been warned Eric. You know if something doesn't pick up soon and you haven't done what you need to, that it's over.

You've been warned.