One year from now...

I wonder what I will be like a year from now. All the heartaches and bad times I'm going through right now. I've got to get Chemotherapy and surgery on my tumor in my head soon, family members having heart attacks, my lack of getting an apartment and not making enough money a year. Things just aren't working out the way I planned them. I never thought I would be stuck in this situation when I started this job a year ago. I was happy that I had left that warehouse job and was suffering every single day in 100 degree and 90% humidity. I got this job and was like "yes!". I thought I was getting a step closer to becoming a computer admin.

Eventually I did only a few months later and it wasn't really what I expected. I was worried that it would be complex and I was still a little green from just graduating school. But I kind of got through it. It was also around that time that I started to like Kim. I worked out religiously trying to get into shape. I started worrying about other guys hitting on her in the back and that my chances of asking her out would be lost. She was also had a boyfriend, but I was getting hints that it was ending. And this, was the begining of my descent into the hole I am already in. Soon I started concentrating more on our relationship then anything else. I was quickly running out of things to do at work since all of my goals that I had started out with when I was promoted were getting completed.

It was getting slow and has never really picked up much since. Every now and then I will help print, but that's about it. I started school again, but am not feeling as excited about it as I once did. At least I was happy with the relationship I was in. But then the bottom fell out of that too. I should have known something like this was going to happen so soon after breaking up with her boyfriend. But I was stupid and made a mistake. One which I must never do again. I let my guard down and fell in love, also a stupid mistake which I must never do again.

So now I stop and think about the past year and how bad it's been and wonder what the next year will have in store for me. A new job? New girlfriend? New place to live? New car? Different school? I don't know what it has in store for me, but I hope to god that it is better than what I am going through right now. I'm waiting at work for Kim to get done with doing whatever she's doing then we're going to Caribou. I don't know what is in store for us tonight, tomorrow or next week. But I am sure it can't be good. I feel sort of numb about everything since my previous post. I felt content and relaxed staying over at her place last night. But I don't know what to think. A momentary reprieve before we go back to being distant again.

I think I'm done for now.