I don't know where I am.

It's late, we got to leave work early tonight and now I am bored. Kim went to sleep and I don't know where I stand anymore. Wojo might be comming back to work and I don't know if I am happy or depressed about that. I would prefer Alan since he was one cool guy. But it seems like The Core is taking a step backwards. They refuse to hire new experienced people, instead they are hiring non-experienced people.

I need to lose more weight and start looking for a girlfriend. Kim still talks to her ex and as much as I would want to get back together with her, I don't think it would work out. It's just getting weird for me now. We sleep in the same bed occasionally, but it feels weird like it's not right. I would really like to get my own place and just get away from all of this. In the end, I would miss Starbucks more than her. I wish he was my cat. There's still nothing much of mine here. Just a large TV and stand along with a few other game console stuff.

I haven't been feeling good about myself lately and seem to be more moody. Probably from the medication that I'm taking. I wish I could get another girlfriend. I need to get out and start meeting new people. I was thinking of calling Jaime up when I go out with Brent tomorrow and see if she would want to hang with us. I just need to start going out more. I know Kim would be upset to hear that I would consider hanging out with her, but she's being a hypocrit by talking to her ex so whatever.

Pissed off again.

This weeks is going to suck!

Went to the doctor, got my shots, need to stay on the medication and have ANOTHER appointment on Thursday. Also upset at Kim fucking getting into some car with some fucking guy to go whoknowswhere. Only Kim would do that. I would never see Carmen or anyone else doing that. Oh no! It has to be Kim of course. She was probably sucking his cock the whole way there. Fucking slut. I hate everyone. I feel so depressed and pissed off now and also school is starting which sucks and I can't seem to get enough energy to go searching for another job.

My whole body is out of shape and I'm getting fat again and am losing my self confidence. I'm done bitching about it to other people. I know I can't hold it in. I'm going to go off on Kim tonight, I just know it. I'm so pissed. Fuck everything. I hope my life ends. What the fuck use am I anyways? I just get used by everyone. It's time people start giving me shit and stop feeling sorry for me. "Are you ok?" No I'm not fucking ok, so buy me a new tv or get me some hot girl to sleep with or get me in shape or get me into a better fucking school. I'm done.

One more day left.

One more day left. Sunday went by kind of uneventful. Kim and I hung out around the apartment all day. Slept for a couple hours and rented two movies. We haven't gone shopping or anything except for Target. I found out that I lost my perscription sometime last week which is aggravating. I can't seem to fix my testosterone problem and as long as I have it missing, sex is out of the question. It seems that something is stopping me from having sex. I'm tired of it. I'm getting a little upset and it is dawning on me that we only have one day left. Going back to work is going to suck. God I hate that place. I need to find another job!

Two days down.

Yesterday was relaxing. Kim and I watched America's Next Top Model Cycle 5 all day long. It was kind of a wasted day, but we were just hanging out. I want to go out and do a little shopping today. It kind of sucks that we only got two days left though. Better make the most of them. Because come Tuesday, it will be time to return to the shit Core.

I had a strange dream last night. I was at work and Kim was ignoring me. After asking her some questions she told me that she was seeing someone else, but it was just "friends" at the moment. I got this thought of her sleeping with him and it made me jealous. Some other stuff I can't really remember happened, like me trying to get her upset or in trouble. But I can't remember very well. I started talking about getting a gun and going from office to office shooting everyone. Then it jumped to me seeing her car somewhere. Then I was looking for her at work, but she had left. I saw her leave with Fred and I got in my car and chased them down. I pulled next to them and said that I would take her home. She got out and got into my car and I was asking why she never asks for my help. I don't remember what she said, but somehow I got into asking how many times she had sex with him. She was reluctant at first, but said that she did once I believe she said it was on her car. Weird. Then we started having sex. Even weirder. Then she left and I was in an apartment with Dan and Chuck. I started explaining to them that I was going out with Kim and Dan didn't seemed surprised. I was talking to them about how she was going out with other guys and then I grabbed a double barreled shotgun waiting for Kim and Fred to come in.

They walk in and Fred is there with double barreled shotgun as well, telling me to put it down. Then two of my friends with silenced pistols appear out of nowhere and aim the guns at them. He dropped his weapon and it is at this point that I started waking up.

I don't know where that dream came from but I'm trying to analyze it. Maybe I feel that Kim is going to sleep around. The part about her seeing another guy, yeah I would be jealous. In my dream I was telling her why we couldn't go out and she said I was boring. All in all, it was a very strange dream I had. I kind of want to tell Kim about it. She's out of the bath now. Better post and get going.