I don't know where I am.

It's late, we got to leave work early tonight and now I am bored. Kim went to sleep and I don't know where I stand anymore. Wojo might be comming back to work and I don't know if I am happy or depressed about that. I would prefer Alan since he was one cool guy. But it seems like The Core is taking a step backwards. They refuse to hire new experienced people, instead they are hiring non-experienced people.

I need to lose more weight and start looking for a girlfriend. Kim still talks to her ex and as much as I would want to get back together with her, I don't think it would work out. It's just getting weird for me now. We sleep in the same bed occasionally, but it feels weird like it's not right. I would really like to get my own place and just get away from all of this. In the end, I would miss Starbucks more than her. I wish he was my cat. There's still nothing much of mine here. Just a large TV and stand along with a few other game console stuff.

I haven't been feeling good about myself lately and seem to be more moody. Probably from the medication that I'm taking. I wish I could get another girlfriend. I need to get out and start meeting new people. I was thinking of calling Jaime up when I go out with Brent tomorrow and see if she would want to hang with us. I just need to start going out more. I know Kim would be upset to hear that I would consider hanging out with her, but she's being a hypocrit by talking to her ex so whatever.

Pissed off again.

This weeks is going to suck!

Went to the doctor, got my shots, need to stay on the medication and have ANOTHER appointment on Thursday. Also upset at Kim fucking getting into some car with some fucking guy to go whoknowswhere. Only Kim would do that. I would never see Carmen or anyone else doing that. Oh no! It has to be Kim of course. She was probably sucking his cock the whole way there. Fucking slut. I hate everyone. I feel so depressed and pissed off now and also school is starting which sucks and I can't seem to get enough energy to go searching for another job.

My whole body is out of shape and I'm getting fat again and am losing my self confidence. I'm done bitching about it to other people. I know I can't hold it in. I'm going to go off on Kim tonight, I just know it. I'm so pissed. Fuck everything. I hope my life ends. What the fuck use am I anyways? I just get used by everyone. It's time people start giving me shit and stop feeling sorry for me. "Are you ok?" No I'm not fucking ok, so buy me a new tv or get me some hot girl to sleep with or get me in shape or get me into a better fucking school. I'm done.

One more day left.

One more day left. Sunday went by kind of uneventful. Kim and I hung out around the apartment all day. Slept for a couple hours and rented two movies. We haven't gone shopping or anything except for Target. I found out that I lost my perscription sometime last week which is aggravating. I can't seem to fix my testosterone problem and as long as I have it missing, sex is out of the question. It seems that something is stopping me from having sex. I'm tired of it. I'm getting a little upset and it is dawning on me that we only have one day left. Going back to work is going to suck. God I hate that place. I need to find another job!

Two days down.

Yesterday was relaxing. Kim and I watched America's Next Top Model Cycle 5 all day long. It was kind of a wasted day, but we were just hanging out. I want to go out and do a little shopping today. It kind of sucks that we only got two days left though. Better make the most of them. Because come Tuesday, it will be time to return to the shit Core.

I had a strange dream last night. I was at work and Kim was ignoring me. After asking her some questions she told me that she was seeing someone else, but it was just "friends" at the moment. I got this thought of her sleeping with him and it made me jealous. Some other stuff I can't really remember happened, like me trying to get her upset or in trouble. But I can't remember very well. I started talking about getting a gun and going from office to office shooting everyone. Then it jumped to me seeing her car somewhere. Then I was looking for her at work, but she had left. I saw her leave with Fred and I got in my car and chased them down. I pulled next to them and said that I would take her home. She got out and got into my car and I was asking why she never asks for my help. I don't remember what she said, but somehow I got into asking how many times she had sex with him. She was reluctant at first, but said that she did once I believe she said it was on her car. Weird. Then we started having sex. Even weirder. Then she left and I was in an apartment with Dan and Chuck. I started explaining to them that I was going out with Kim and Dan didn't seemed surprised. I was talking to them about how she was going out with other guys and then I grabbed a double barreled shotgun waiting for Kim and Fred to come in.

They walk in and Fred is there with double barreled shotgun as well, telling me to put it down. Then two of my friends with silenced pistols appear out of nowhere and aim the guns at them. He dropped his weapon and it is at this point that I started waking up.

I don't know where that dream came from but I'm trying to analyze it. Maybe I feel that Kim is going to sleep around. The part about her seeing another guy, yeah I would be jealous. In my dream I was telling her why we couldn't go out and she said I was boring. All in all, it was a very strange dream I had. I kind of want to tell Kim about it. She's out of the bath now. Better post and get going.

Day almost over.

Friday is drawing to a close and it seems to have gone by kind of fast. Hung around the apartment and slept for the morning. Radiation is on Tuesday, then I'm done with that. I can't wait to get healthy again. I realized that I will be paying a lot in medical bills over the next couple months and am not quite thrilled with that. I need to start looking for another job soon as well. I can't stand it there anymore and I want to get out of that place.

I checked on the kittens at Mom's house today and they seemed alright. I'm going to go check on them in the morning. I am worried that the garage is open, which I'm pretty sure that I closed it. I plan on getting up early in the morning to go check on them again. The days are moving by kind of fast and I hope the rest of the weekend is good.

Kim just came by and was making the grudge girl noises. It's kind of creepy how close she comes to sounding just like the movie. Well, getting tired now. Going to go to bed.

The upcoming long weekend.

It's Friday and I have the day off. In fact, I have 4 days off and we just got paid! This is perfect. I can't wait to just relax and have a good long weekend. It's been pretty hectic around work and school lately, but now I can relax and start having a little fun. After paying a couple more bills, I should have around 600 dollars to spend. Not that I want to spend all of it this weekend. I need a new dresser to start putting clothes in and maybe a couple more clothes. Driving to Michigan city would be nice. Everything is cheap there.

I am still sick though, but I think I'm getting better. We're losing Fred at work this week. He's going down south to be with his brother. He says when he gets back that he'll help Matt and I get jobs at this other printshop making more money. That would be nice. Leave The Core behind. Kim is working today, but might be getting out a little earlier, which means around 6:30pm instead of 7:30. I still think she is getting taken advantage of by Carmen and after the whole "credit crisis" on Wednesday she needs to understand that her own personal well being comes first before pleasing Carmen.

I felt a little upset last night at Kim. I wanted to stop by a game store and look at some games and she was making fun of me. Even though I went to see Harry Potter and never made fun of her, it kind of hurt me a little. I played it off like I was upset at not being able to go out, it just hurt my feelings. Yes, I do still have feelings. Even after the whole "I saw her with her ex" incident. I guess I have started to recover slightly. Sometimes I wonder how I would feel if she started dating someone else. Would I be jealous? Probably yeah. I guess there is still a part of me deep down that has feelings for her still. Is it love? I don't think so, but what we have now is great and I don't want to spoil that by bringing up something that could potentially stress her out.

I will, but not now. I did say that I would give her a couple months before attempting to try it again and who knows, it may work out. As long as she is not talking to her dumbass ex boyfriend.

Well, here's to the long weekend! Hope we have fun!

Almost done!

We're almost done printing Allstate at work! I can't wait to have a long weekend where I can rest and recuperate. I'm still sick and my nose runs all the time, but not as much as it did before. I bought some NyQuil and Tylenol cold medicine as well as kleenex which I've gone through a couple boxes already. The power went out last Friday and partly over the weekend. Carmen called us in Friday night to work. Matt didn't feel up to it and suggested we tell Carmen to wait till the morning to start. I look back on that now with regret. I should have told him that his possible upcoming raise could count on this, but I didn't. Carmen was upset, I offered to stay a while and help print while Matt got to leave. He came back later to help Marcin, but was drunk and didn't help at all. Then he left the other night (I'm losing track of days now) because he was sick.

Kim says Carmen is looking to replace him with some dork she was talking to the other day. That kind of sucks. I know Matt should have been more responsible and stuck with it, but it just sucks that it might turn out this way. Kim's thinks it's good, but I just can't feel excited about it. Matt is my friend and even though he has kind of screwed himself, I can't help but feel sorry for him and what might happen. Maybe he should try to apologize for what he's done and then she might reconsider.

Well, I need to take a shower and get ready for tonight. Kim wants to go to Baja Fresh I think it is. And one last thing... I have hemmoroids! More on that later. God, this sucks ass. (No pun intended.)